geekiness will improve your sex life

The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

So now we're going to take you through a series of baby steps that will open the door to your true chemicals so that you can establish yourself as a Man With Foreign Genetic Diversity Chemicals suitable for inciting the desire for pregnancy-causing activities in Attractive Members of the Opposite Sex.

Take a deep breath. And plunge right in.

Chemical Liberation Step #1: Geekiness.

Since this is going to be easy for some of you and hard for others, we are going to walk through this. Some of you will be initially reluctant to believe that you need to be geeky to improve your love life. We'll explain it for you. Relax, it's easier than being an asshole and you will get the hang of it in no time.

Geekiness Defined. Geekiness is an Irrational Enthusiasm for something that no one else in their right fucking mind gives a shit about.

An obscure band that no one's heard of. Backyard astronomy. Baseball. Vintage cars. Perl programming. A stupid video game. Batman memorabilia. One of the Beatles. Differential equations. Foreign policy. The American West. World War II airplanes. Japanese culture. Minor league hockey. Geology. Egyptian beetles. Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. Movie posters. Russian comic books. Your cats. Skiing. Meg Ryan. The flute. Tori Amos. Horror movies. Science fiction. J.D. Salinger. American Expressionism. Yo-yos. Economic theory. Stratocasters. The history of salt. Pomeranians. Horticulture. Armenian history. Ed Wood. Antique furniture. First editions. Alfred Hitchcock. Great defensive linemen of history. Kurt Vonnegut. Probability theory. Eastern religions. Action figures. And so on.

You have a wide variety of choices as to what to be geeky about. You are not in any way constrained by standard geeky interests such as math, science, computers, anime, Star Trek, video games and so on. Nor are you constrained by standard male geeky interests such as sports, cars, sports, and cars. You can be a geek about anything in the whole wide fucking world as long as it is an Irrational Enthusiasm. It's the Irrational Enthusiasm that's chemically important. (I am going to suggest however, that you not start out your attempts to improve your love life by developing a geeky interest in Internet porn or supermodels or Victoria's Secret catalogs, strippers, and so on. These things will work as well as anything else, but they will push you way further into geekiness than you need to go to be successful. If you already possess an Irrational Enthusiasm for these things, I am going to suggest that you choose to develop a Subsidiary Geeky Interest to display to the woman of your dreams. Start slow.)

Geekiness Objection and Urban Myth: Geeks don't get laid.

This particular myth is a major impediment for some of you. You naturally and actually quite sensibly think to yourself when you see some geek loser drooling over his collection of Batman memorabilia from the 1960's that 'this sucker is never going to get laid.' You reason to yourself, 'no woman's going to be interested in this stupid immature Batman shit. It's socially unattractive and makes this pathetic loser look like a...pathetic loser.'

This makes sense but you are partly wrong. No, most attractive normal women are not going to have any interest in a stupid and jaw-droppingly vast collection of idiotic Batman figurines. But that doesn't mean their sex brains aren't going to detect the presence of Foreign Chemicals and start drooling. In fact, attractive women throw themselves at geeks all the time and often attempt to marry them. Many geeks (and closet geeks) are actually happily married. Very happily because they count themselves lucky that anyone would tolerate them. It only looks like geeks don't get laid for a couple of reasons.

Reason #1 - excessive geeks are often so busy being excessively geeky that they don't notice the attractive women trying desperately to signal their interest in a pregnancy opportunity and therefore completely miss out. This is a hazard of being a thorough-going geek. Also, many geeks are shy and reluctant to display their true geekiness around women which cuts their opportunities dramatically. Finally, when true thorough-going geeks set their sights on a woman, they often are unable to modulate their Foreign Chemicals and end up blasting her full throttle with excessive quantities. This sets off the dangerous War Foreign Clump Fear of Getting Raped and General Desire to Flee syndrome and the women run from them as fast as their frightened little legs will carry them. This is what you have noticed and what you want to avoid. Don't worry. You aren't going to do that. Not by a long shot. Your social masking chemicals aren't going to let you for one thing. Also, you are going to implement a more considered and rational Geek strategy.

Why Geekiness Works in Attracting Women: It bypasses the Social Brain.

The fact that the geekiness module in your head bypasses the Social Brain when it gets activated is exactly why Geeks are often socially awkward and even physically clumsy. The Irrational Enthusiasm starts bubbling over and all sorts of processing is done inside the brain that doesn't require the Social Brain at all. It is Social Brain-free processing. Let's say, for example, you are deeply involved in calculating obscure baseball statistics and comparing various Your Players against various Historical Players. Notice that when you do this, you are almost completely isolated in yourself as your brain hums along making important connections between historical players and your players. You are not really aware of anything very well when you are all wrapped up in geekiness and your ability to express yourself may even decrease, or you will get so wrapped up in an argument on the merits of various obscure bands so that you're not really even aware of your environment. You tune everything out while your brain furiously processes its Irrational Enthusiasm. You become awkward, your arms wave, you concentrate, things within your area of geeky interest seem beautiful and fascinating and important and the real world pales in comparison. This is exactly what you want.

Because your Social Brain has been bypassed, it is therefore unable to throw up those social masking chemicals that make you seem like someone's brother and not like someone they'd like to throw on the couch and ravish. Your chemicals are out of control and on display when you are geeky. You want that. You can't hide your true self when you are geeky. That's why you are so reluctant to go there around women - unless it's with a female geek that you don't want to sleep with. Yet, because your processing of the outside world is impaired when you are in geek mode, you are temporarily vulnerable when a geek - and vulnerability is sexy. Develop it!

You need to understand how people tell the difference between men and women for sex brain purposes. You would think it's fairly obvious but it's not. And one of the things that happens when your social masking chemicals kick in around women you are attracted to is that they make you appear gender-neutral - like a regular person and not like a male.

Human beings, as they develop sex brain chemicals, are pre-set to orient themselves by establishing Like Me and Not Like Me categories. For a woman, Like Me means normal, sensible, rational, predictable, and easy to understand. Because that's what human brains consider themselves to be in spite of all the available evidence.

So normal, sensible, rational, predictable and easy to understand people are Like Me and are therefore women. If they are clearly not women, then they are gender-neutral Regular People. Because she and other women are Regular People according to the default brain setting. Each person thinks their own sex defines Regular People. In order to detect the presence of the opposite sex then, the person in question must detect something abnormal, senseless, irrational, unpredictable, and completely incomprehensible. Until you display this kind of behavior, her sex brain will never believe you are a man. There will be ongoing confusion on the part of her sex brain on this point until you clearly and firmly establish your complete fucking lack of sense. Geekiness is your best bet in this regard. As you have noticed, being an asshole works also, but that carries other hazards and you're much more suited to being a geek anyway.

I repeat: It is imperative that you establish your sexual identity by acting like a fool. You cannot skip this step. Acting stupid is courting behavior and if you don't do it, her sex brain will never get a read on you.

Now I want you to notice that you perform the same calculation regarding her (and everyone else). One of the reasons you are attracted to her is that she has inadvertently displayed stupid irrational geekiness of some sort that you could never understand. Her geekiness is different from yours, that's what makes her a woman. She uses some irrational form of reasoning that only she could come up with. In many ways, she may be a delightfully gender-neutral Regular Person, in fact that may be one of your favorite things about her - but you would not be attracted to her unless she was irrational, senseless and completely fucking incomprensible in some way. Indeed, when you are around other guys and one of them says or does something that you completely can't understand, very often your sex brain will experience a sudden jolt of fear as it perks its head up and says about that person 'You're a woman!' This can be very surprising and lead to sudden defensive behavior or what have you - but that's just because your sex brain is set to detect the presence of the opposite sex by mental differentness - even more than by outward physical characteristics.

Pretty goofy perhaps - but it's just wise planning on your sex brain's part. It doesn't know in advance how fashion is going to dictate that men and women should look. You may be wearing kilts and she may be wearing a bundle of clothing so thick you would never be able to tell what shape she was. People decorate and disfigure themselves in so many imaginative ways that physical appearance can't be relied upon - but chemicals and mental differentness, those endure.

Okay, Mr. Nice Guy. Now get out there and act like a geek. Act like a geek in front of every person you can identify by mental differentness to be a woman. Equip yourself with Geek Props, such as collectibles or a telescope for your backyard astronomy or a Harley for your motorcycle obsession and then proudly display it to her. Bore her out of her fucking mind for half an hour by explaining in ruthlessly enthusiastic detail all the accessories and detailing that went into your Harley. Explain comets to her until a true astronomer would cry uncle. Lay out in ruthless, enthusiastic detail your plan for improving American Foreign Policy. Babble. Attempt to show her all 6000 of your Japanese comic books. Wax nostalgic over all 80 of your Frank Zappa original LPs, that's vinyl albums thank you very much, no CDs for a purist like you. Wave your arms with delight as you explain how truly truly wonderful and special your cats are. Recount their adorable adventures in detail.

And then ease up. 30-40 minutes max of unrestrained enthusiasm and then you're done. Back to your regular self. Social Mask away. Ask about her. Do something normal like dinner and a movie. Converse about normal things. Be a friend. Act like her brother. Adapt. Blend in. Harmonize. Be nice. Be polite. Offer to help her move. Confuse her. Make her sex brain think you're a man, make her conscious brain think you're a regular person. Keep her on her toes. Rile up her chemicals until they want to come spilling out in your direction. Make her think about you. Make yourself hard to understand.

Once you've established your geekiness, get normal, and then dip back into it briefly for 5 minute segments. Bring it up, get enthusiastic, and then drop it cuz you're done. Make her think she can't stand you because you're such a goddamn man and not a regular person and then make her think maybe you are a nice guy. Talk about your enthusiasms, and then talk about hers. Draw out her geekiness. Release her chemicals. Talk about her enthusiasms and then about yours.

Don't expect her to like your enthusiasms, support them, be interested in them, or even listen to your explanations very politely. That's not what they're there for. If you're really lucky, she will laugh at them. Laughter indicates detection of a threat and then relaxation as the threat is perceived to be minimal. Your enthusiasms are supposed to be threatening, they signal your Foreignness. They are supposed to be funny as she realizes she can live with them. Thread geekiness in and out of your relationship. Laugh at her geekiness. Practice, practice, practice.

Okay, that's your first step. Go in peace and don't worry about being an asshole Insufferable Prick. You'll do fine. There's more to learn, but that's enough for now. Master this one and your sex life will improve enough that you may not even need any of the advanced techniques. Have fun. Be a geek.

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The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

The importance of geekiness...